Tender or Hard?

People come in our lives to leave their marks upon us.

Some leave good ones and others leave bad ones.
Some are sweet memories, others are scars, yet others are bittersweet ones.

This process happens in everyone's life.

I am no exception.

The process itself varies from one person to another as the effect and intensity of the process.

I have come to believe that my whole life is a LIE.

That my existence is a LIE.

No matter how much I try and how much I give, there is only more demand on me to be giving.

I am NOT an eternal source of ENERGY. Or am I?

I can definitely observe is - one thing; that, I have become more indifferent to surroundings and happenings. I have lost a sense of responsiveness to the outside world.

Is this HARD-ME or the fact that I have come to believe myself to be a LIE that has made me more TENDER-ME from the inside? I wonder.

People loved me only to desert me - making me question I am not worthy of them or I am not enough. The ones that stayed have intensified the question of my value in their lives and my worth to myself.

There were yet others who reaped the most of what I could have given them and it is as though I don't even exist for them now.

So I choose to live a life that is a LIE. That way I will just have to live my time here. No expectations whatsoever from anybody ever. But is it possible at all for a human who is a social being?