Random!

moving out and moving in
each time, crushed within...
bading goodbye to yester's joy
by the moment, becoming more coy

the humming bird that got lost
knew not the price it had cost...

through the strength, she grew weak
spoke her words from a voice so meek

the ground secured melted so fast

(I don’t know when I wrote this/ or if it is from my collection, but came upon this one in my older emails somewhere.)

My childhood friend!

Rajitha,

Babe, this is for you! 

She and I were classmates in the 7th grade. She used to be very satirical and make fun of people, then. 

Initially, I did not take her satirical nature well. But we grew close. Don’t know how and when, but friendship was brewing.

There are countless times I went to her place. We used to eat to our stomach’s content the delicious food cooked by her mother. The variety of pickles (mixed vegetable pickle, the beans pickle, the cauliflower pickle, the bitter gourd pickle, just to name a few), were my favorites. 

Aunty and Uncle (her mom and dad), were always warm and welcomed me with smiles. 

Some days, in fact many days, I used to visit her place NOT to see her or be with her, but simply to ride her bicycle which she used to let me borrow and ride on for hours together before I returned it to her. I could not afford one of my own and she knew about it. She used to come to my place and we used to spend time together on the terrace of the building in which we were renting a small unit, or outside the gates of the building watching the flowing traffic and talking away as the evenings rolled slowly into dusk. 

She is the one who made me taste Pani-Puri (my mouth is watering already at the name) for the first time ever in my life and I developed a taste for it so much so that I used to eat them EVERY SINGLE DAY in my B.Tech years. I love them so much that even during both of my pregnancies, I did not let up on eating them to my heart’s content. 

She was the one who took me to the movies. MURARI and ANACONDA are the two movies that we watched together and then there was another one - THE TITANIC that we watched with the whole group of friends in our 10th grade. Memorable good times. I would give anything to just go back to those days. Pure joy to think about those times. I once remember, I had to apologize to you for something and when I did, you simply brushed it off and said that you were the one that needed to apologize to me for being mean to me with your words at times and how you wished for me to get out of my situation and see days filled with cheer and happiness. Those words are forever locked away in my heart dear. 

I remember the walks we took from the school to reach the bus stop. I remember the rocks on which sat in the school grounds where we solved our math problems. I remember the grounds where we played so many a running and chasing game. I remember looking up to you for learning from you the lightning speed with which you ran and wishing for you to win the race for our school sports day. I looked up to you for singing, for the very well maintained songs book, for the very many art skills that you had in you. You inspired me in many ways and I don’t think you ever had any idea of it. But you know NOW. 

This whole piece cannot put together in the least the impact you have made in my life. It is but a humble Endeavour to show you what you meant and still mean to me. 

I do not know if I ever have been the same kind of friend to you that you have been to me. I really hope that I did. My heart is filled with gratitude and love for you and I am lucky that GOD has given me such a good friend in you. Wishing you loads of love, cheer, joy, happiness, peace, success and most importantly GOOD HEALTH all your life.

❤️

My first driving lesson session!

5th November 2019!

Today was my first driving lesson session with a driving school instructor. And I felt really good about myself and my driving. In part maybe because the kids weren’t there in the car with me so my attention was undivided nor hubby so there was no room for unnecessary preoccupations/ chatter / discussions/ arguments in my mind.

My mind was a clean blank slate with just one point of focus - my attention on the road and my driving.

The instructor gave me some really nice techniques of maneuvering turns and they are really all a combination of simple mathematical principles and timing. What I have to do now is that, I have to practice really well so I won’t forget those simple techniques and they come to me naturally like my second nature. 

I look forward to a little more practice this week before I can schedule my next lesson for parking / parallel parking and K-Turn.

About today’s drive and the roads we took:

The first hour the instructor took me on main roads, highways and freeways for building my comfort with the steering wheel (having prior experience behind the wheel was an advantage). It felt like cake walk and there were 1-2 nice to know tips that I would definitely keep in mind next time onwards I go behind the wheel. I made a passing over (overtaking) a truck. Lane changing.

The roads were beautiful with the fall foliage (golden/ yellow/ red/ semi-green/ brown). The rains of the week before and the winds and a tornado warning did not make the trees all barren and empty and spared the beautiful foliage hues for ME to enjoy my drive. That’s how good it felt. ❤️❤️❤️
Weather was a nice 63 F with light breeze or no winds at all. It was as though the whole of the Universe had lined up just for me to be able to take in those beautiful sightings - a visual and sensory treat really, with no cares of the everyday life. And the ease with which I was handling the vehicle added all the more pleasure to my elated happiness, an overall lightness in my heart (which usually is not-so-light with too many crammed up permutations and combinations of life’s happenings/ non-happenings, events and occurrences - simply put, the IFs and BUTs). It surely boosted my overall sense of self and pumped my confidence. Those last five and a half years have chipped away at my sense of self-worth and confidence so much. I had hit rock-bottom the last couple of years. My life did not feel like worth living. Winters were the worst times. I refused to be beat by the situations and circumstances in life that I decided to slowly gather myself up and rediscover myself. But the sneaky annoyance called depression creeps upon me every now and then and finds new holes from where my self confidence slips and falls to the floor. Getting my drivers license is another step and a major one at holding my ever-slipping confidence on a visible/ noticeable and significant threshold pedestal. Today I felt a little closer to achieving that goal.

The instructor was a sweet old man about 90 years of age. He was from Pakistan originally. He was calm and composed and from the 2-hours of instruction that I received from him, I could tell that he could make anyone who came to him, calm down and learn driving comfortably. He made simple analogies and examples that anyone could easily relate and agree with, all the way while teaching any new technique. He spoke very good Hindi. We chatted about the commonalities of our places of origin (Hyderabad - TS, India: Mine and Hyderabad - Sind province, Pakistan: His place). He has been assisting new and beginner learners for many years now. Said that he did his Masters from NYU in 1939/40. He is a methodology teacher - meaning teaches teachers the techniques of teaching. He taught in colleges/ universities in his county, in the US, in Africa. We spoke about focus and relaxed techniques of learning and enjoying what one is learning for an enjoyable learning experience and everlasting mastery over the subject of learning. We spoke about “VASUDHAIVA KUTUMBAKAM” - every living form’s life and purpose. We spoke about movies and veteran Bollywood actors/ actresses - from a long time ago - only 1-2 of the names of them I could recognize.

Overall it was a pleasant learning experience.

-Cheers ❤️❤️❤️