Broken!

It feels like something within me is broken.

The inability to feel anything but pain and hurt. The obsession to feel anything but pain and hurt.

The weakening and straining of my relationships and bondings with many people over the past few years (the years spent in reminiscing and looking within), after moving to a foreign land away from family and extended circles, having been a full-time stay-at-home parent, have definitely made me lonely, cold-stoned, emotionless (except for a lingering gloom at all times), intolerant of the fake pasty smiles and the shallowness of the daily mundanity and morbidity of fallacious human relationships, that we have built over generations, away from nature, the constant/ incessant rat-race for materialistic gains and dominance, the futility of human existence, the knowledge of the inevitability that everyone perishes and that the time goes on, the insignificance of one’s life and part that one’s life may or may not have in others’ lives, the constant humming and worry to find a purpose in the middle of all the chaos that never seems to pause or slow down, the damage that the human activity is creating, the uncertainty of everything (more so & felt in a much more pronounced way in a foreign land),  the inability to find and connect with GOD, The Absolute, if any, to find guidance, solace and comfort in an unshakeable way, that feeling of emptiness gnawing away at me, have made me to silently wait for my melting into the darkness - the night of life that is Death. 

That brokenness - I can explain it to no one. Only suffer in the knowledge of. 

If only GOD were there, He sure would definitely not want people to suffer, in any way possible and imaginable and would heed to the prayers of people who call to Him in their full trusting and unshaken faith to Him (people who are much unlike me).

This journey of mine to find my own truth and my own light is exhaustingly tiring. But I can only wait and not quit.

PEACE!