The fire inside me!

Someone said to me that I could not expect to see blossoms around me if there is only fire within me? Or something to that effect.

I never really got to see the blossoms and the beauty of it anytime ever in my life before.

I wanted to be that life and energy with which everything could thaw and bloom.

The garden that I tried to create, well, drained the life out of me.

Even before all of this, I was dumped a considerable number of times or denied the love/ life energy so I could blossom beautifully from within.

People who are hurt the most inside are the most cheerful ones on the outside. It is all but just an attempt of those people for the world to see them and accept them and not the ugly dark conditions that have made them accustomed to pain and hurt. Just them trying to show the world that they too are sensitive and beautiful people.

I tried to create something which I had no previous knowledge of. I have been trying with all of my sincere efforts. I have put my whole self into it. The problem is, when you put yourself wholly into something without holding back any reserves and that something doesn't come to fruition or does not seem to, you've lost everything that you could call YOU.

All this falls on deaf ears and hearts too but immune to all of this suffering 'coz those hearts, they know not what it is to struggle for everything that you are and everything that you have today.

There are deeper hurts than one can see or one can say. Some hurts resurface after ages, blissfully buried deep down by our own mind in self-preservation. I don't even know how far I was able to preserve anything that I can call SELF.